Well, I have not written anything is quite sometime and I owe that to the fact that I was once happy, and I tend to write when I’m sad. So, there is no surprise that I am back. If for some reason you ever kept up with my posts, the last time you heard from me I decided to pick up and move across the country with a man who I loved for him. Didn’t think that would end well did you? Spoiler Alert: You were right it didn’t.
There is a point of being hurt where you just become numb, you feel empty to your core. I have heard about this before and in my mind I would think the person was being dramatic. There is no way someone could make a person feel physically numb inside, yet here I am. My whole world came crashing down last week and I was left outside to trying to put out the fire that someone else had created. I feel lost, alone, and I have to start my entire life over again. Typically in these life shitting on you moments, I can find the good in them. I typically realize right away that there is a reason for everything happening, everything works itself out. In this moment, and in the moments to come, I remain lost.
I suppose it is my fault though, huh? You put all of your heart and soul in someone and something in hopes that it will be enough. It never is, that is one thing I will learn. It never is enough. There was no warning, no red flags, nothing. It came out of no where and I think that may be what hurts the most. I was blindsided. I had to leave my job and my friends that I had made in Colorado because I was being run out of town by someone who no longer wanted me in there lives. So what do you do then?
Call your mom.
24 years old and I still rely on my mom to be my emotional support. You would think with no money in your bank account, you would let your adult daughter figure it out. Nope. She booked a one way ticket, picked me up, and drove for 25+ hours across the country to bring me home. Bless her soul. Now don’t get me wrong, I have an incredible support system behind me, I’ll get through it. But you never think the person whom you love the most in the world will crush you the hardest.
I’ll get back on my feet, but for now, I am not okay.
PS: I got the dog.